


Thieves and Beggars

by Sia



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-21 06:25:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3681408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sia/pseuds/Sia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Occasionally, pursuing the right of course of action demands piracy, thus piracy itself is the only option.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thieves and Beggars

I winked at my first mate. Jack rolled her eyes and tossed the ponytail she wore in a top-knot across her shoulder. I was glad she'd opted for the gauze shirt today instead of the belt bra. 

"We can outrun them, you know," I pointed out, my hands on my hips. What we needed to do was far too urgent to fuck around with yet another legal delay.

Joker spun his chair around, scratching under his cap, "Why should we? There's nothing contraband aboard right now."

"Except the quarian," Jack snapped. "These two idiots have been dogging our steps since Thessia. I say we introduce them to the airlock."

"Don't worry about the quarian." I sighed. Joker was right. It would be easier and faster in the long run just to deal with the problem. "It's only Vakarian and Alenko, Jack. By the time I'm done, those two won't care what we have on board."

The pilot shook his head. "One of these days Shepard, they’re going to get tired of you playing with them."

I laughed. “Until that day comes, Joker, all we can do is set up the board.” The vids called me the Scourge of the Relays, Shepard The Dread Pirate, Wanted Dead or Alive in 10 Star Systems. I winked at my pilot as I unwound my braided blonde hair and let it fall down to my waist. For good measure, I unfastened a pair of buttons from my black shirt, making certain I was showing plenty of cleavage, as I called over my shoulder. "Jack, you have the Con, don't do anything stupid. Send the Spectres to the conference room." I continued unplaiting my hair as I walked.

At least I'd worn one of my good black shirts this morning. And the black pants with the red stripe down the side of my legs that made them look longer. And my favorite tall, shiny black boots Alenko usually couldn't stop staring at. The long hair was for the turian. 

It was up to Jack to hide the quarian girl. Pilgrimages had been declared illegal twenty years ago by the Council, but the quarians still insisted on sending their kids out on them. They were supposed to stay in the Traverse, but that seldom worked out -- since the Batarian Hegemony was no better than Council Space. Too many quarian kids ended up in work camps, dead of infection, or worse, thanks to the Council's edict.

I was going to distract the Spectres anyway I could. Tali didn't deserve that fate.

And the less said about that damned Beacon, the better. "Captain, the Spectres are aboard."

"Get ready for a Relay jump, Joker." Good, my voice held steady. The less my crew knew, they less they could hang for.

"You've got to be kidding! That's --"

"I know what that is!" I heard Jack start laughing over the intercom. "Just get them in here!" I swallowed against my racing pulse and hoped my twisting stomach wouldn't empty itself on the Spectres' armored boots. 

I had a plan. It was insane. But, then... what other kind of plan could a crazy person come up with? The door opened and I leaned back against the table, smiling and arching one eyebrow. "Is there a problem, officers?" 

The turian and the human looked at each other and shook their heads at one another. "You owe me a hundred credits," Vakarian told Alenko. 

The human rolled his eyes. "Double or nothing."

The turian exhaled and walked in first. "Fine." Of course, it would be the turian first, especially Vakarian. He leaned over me, barely touching, but it still sent every nerve ending I had on that side of my body to humming. His armor creaked slightly as he leaned against the table next to me. "So, Shepard, what did you happen to pick up on your last stop on Thessia?" He lowered his voice to that register that made my toes curl. I'm sure he was well aware of the effects thanks to that handy little scouter lens he wore.

I leaned my head back to look him in the eye, making sure my hair brushed the hand he was using to prop himself up on the table. "Spices. An asari passenger headed for Therum. Nothing special. Why? Y'all looking for a ride? We're always happy to help out the Spectre Corps." I tilted my head to look directly at Alenko whose brown eyes met mine steadily.

And then the Normandy lurched with her tell-tale jump through the Relay.

I didn't bother resisting, as within seconds, Vakarian had my arms tied behind my back and Alenko had me wrapped in a Stasis field. I heard Vega's voice through the door, "Ma'am?"

"Stand down, Vega."

"Ma'am."

Vakarian's voice shivered through the bones in my ear, "What do you think you're doing, Shepard?" I felt the cold metal of an Eagle pistol behind my ear and willed myself to hold even more still than the Stasis field was holding me. 

"I have a proposal for you, _gentlemen_." I met Vakarian’s eyes, steadily.

"I don't think you're in any position to make propositions, _pirate_." Alenko's voice from behind me was low and menacing. I wanted to roll around on it naked.

"We do business with a colony out on the Traverse. It's gone silent. Not answering any hails. Come and investigate with me. If it's nothing, I'll surrender. You boys get to arrest the Dread Pirate Shepard for abducting Council Spectres."

Alenko came around to my field of vision, his heavy brows furrowed, "And if it's something?"

"We're all in deep shit."

The two Spectres glanced at each other. "It's worth checking out," Vakarian stated, straightening up from where he slouched against my table.

Alenko looked at me, a wicked quirk to those eyebrows, "I do like the counteroffer if she loses."

The cheekplates flared outward and settled back against the turian's jaw. "I don't know... I rather like the tied-up look, myself."

Alenko rolled his eyes. "That is something you can take up on your private time." I felt his breath on my hair -- he didn't even try to keep a polite distance -- I was forced to suppress a shiver as he deftly pressed the combination on the Subduction Cuffs (Guaranteed to Subdue the Strongest of Biotics!) which sprang apart from my wrists with an undignified gasp of relief from me. I hated those things. They emitted a randomized burst of electrical shocks in order to disrupt biotic abilities. And gave me a splitting headache. They weren’t the fun sort of handcuffs.

I turned my head before he could move away and drew my cheek along his stubble, "Just as they were getting comfortable."

He jerked back, startled. I grinned. No biotic liked those things, not even recreationally. But Jack had been giving me acting lessons. I winked and resisted the urge to rub my aching wrists. "Now, boys, as you've probably guessed, that jump was to Horizon. Emperor Huerta doesn't want to bother the Council with Terran Empire concerns out here in the Black, so as a concerned citizen, _well_ ," I leaned back against the table and glared at the Spectres who'd closed ranks against me and crossed their arms. Alenko might be the First Human Spectre, but that was only because I'd jumped out of the Alliance after the clusterfuck that'd been Akuze faster than a krogan would shoot a salarian in the back, "I've decided to be concerned." He’d had the wonderful luck to take down that asshole Saren two years ago.

I turned and pressed a few commands on my omni-tool. "That, and we intercepted this from Sheriff Williams."

The two Spectres approached on either side of me as the holoscreen flared to life and Ashley Williams, my friend, fought for her life, her deputies doing their damnedest against a force they weren't trained for and couldn't have anticipated. 

I didn't know what, but we needed to find out. And the pair of these idiots would help me or I'd space them. The damned asari with delusions of Shadow-brooker-hood, too. _Dammit, Williams, hold it together._ She was even wearing that stupid pink armor I'd smuggled in for her her last nameday. Fucking idiot.

"All right, you have a deal." Vakarian was not the one I’d expected to accept first. After all, it wasn’t his people in danger. But then I remembered, Horizon had begun accepting turian colonists when it was discovered their food would also grow in the rich volcanic soil. Some of Williams’ deputies had been turian.

“Dammit, Williams.” Alenko wasn’t paying attention to me any more, he was staring at my holo replay of the Sheriff. “Couldn’t you stay out of trouble for more than a Solar year?”

“You know her, Spectre?” Alenko seemed to realize he’d unintentionally said the words aloud and cleared his throat. 

“Yeah, she uh, helped with taking down Saren awhile back.” He flashed me a grin that threatened to melt me into my boots. “She said to take it easy on you next time I saw you. Said you helped her colony out of some trouble.” 

“I might’ve made myself useful a time or two.” I straightened up and passed between them, being certain to put just the right amount of sway in my hips. I had no idea if Vakarian liked humans, beyond having a thing for my hair, but I could all but feel Alenko’s eyes on me. “If you’ll follow me, gentlemen, I believe we have a spare bunk or two for you.”

When I didn’t hear them behind me, I turned. They were both standing shoulder to shoulder, arms crossed, shaking their heads. “No, I don’t think so, _Captain_.” Alenko strolled forward, his eyes moving from my boots up to my head. “You see, we don’t trust you.”

“We’ll be bunking in your quarters to keep an eye on you.” _Fucking shit._ Vakarian stepped up to walk around behind me. I turned my head to try to keep both in view.

“We don’t trust you not to pull something while we’re asleep, if we’re not in the same room with you.” _Well, there went that plan._

 _Brazen it out, then._ “Fine,” I replied, shrugging. “But I’m not giving up my bed. You two get the couch and the floor. And I’m still sleeping the same way I always sleep. Naked.” I turned on my heel, completely enjoying their stunned silence. It almost made up for the need to shoot them both. 

Almost.


End file.
